Infatuation
by Vincent Valentines Lover
Summary: Set during the game, Cid has fallen deeply desperately in love with beautiful Vincent...YAOI WARNING! Cid x Vincent, and language.
1. Chapter 1

Cid's views on his eternal lover Vincent

I loved Vincent. I loved him so fucking much. Vincent to me, was the most beautiful thing in the world. The first time I saw him, when Cloud and the others came to rocket town, I was just blown away. Fucking blown away. I mean you ever heard the phrase, love at first sight? Sure, before, I always thought it was a load of shit. But looking at Vinnie, all that changed. Cause Vince was perfect. Perfectly beautiful. He was like how I imagine fallen angels to look. Actually Lucifer wouldn't have anything on him. His face...it was so ethereal. So white, with exquisite cheekbones and eyes of burning crimson. His lips were perfectly formed, and though he never smiled I could see the vague androgny which graced his every move. And his hair. As dark and shining as a raven's wing. It fell down his back in luxurious waves, and when I first touched it, it was like velvet. And his body...so slender and supple.

So yeah. I always loved Vincent. I would often lie awake at night thinking about him. At first I was confused. Because one, I'd never felt this intensely about anyone before and two, I wasn't gay. But soon I realised the fact that Vincent was a man was so fucking irrelevant. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and so what if he wasn't a woman? No one could ever compare. Vince was so quiet I couldn't really ever speak to him. Just open my mouth, and he'd look at me in that cool way of his, so impersonal but so pure. He would reply to me in a way that revealed nothing, he was so repressed. I knew he was in love with that woman Lucrecia and that was so discouraging. When he did speak more than a few words at a time, it was either about her, or his 'condemned sins.' I tried to get over him. God dammit I tried. I would swear to myself it was just some stupid faze and Vince would never let me near him anyway. The latter was right of course, but I still couldn't stop thinking of him. It was at the back of my mind, the impossibility of our relationship and I tried to give in to it. However I was proven wrong.

I accompanied Vincent and the others to the cave. With Lucrecia. How fucking jealous I was of that fucking bitch. She had ruined him, devastated him, and he still loved her with all his heart. You could see the torture in his lovely eyes whenever he mentioned her. Vincent had wanted her as much as I wanted him. Shit. Marvel at the irony there. I hated Lucrecia though I had never known her. I couldn't believe the stupidity. To have Vincent then go off with that evil bastard Hojo. How dare she? How could anyone leave Vincent? When Vince came out of the cave he refused to speak of the incident, and even Cloud looked worried when he immediately hid himself away on the highwind. Tifa said she probably thought it best if we left him alone, for he was quite obviously upset and Vincent had never been one who sought comfort. So we left him. Thinking about my love I walked onto the upper deck. I leant against the side moodily, chainsmoking one cigarette after another doing nothing to ease my depression. And then I saw Vincent. Red cape billowing, head in his hands, Vincent was in a position of complete agony. I was first shocked to find him up there, and then bewildered by his revealing position. I had known he was despaired but not that much. I walked up to him uneasily

"Vince? You alright?" Vincent turned his head and the anguished beauty of his face made my insides melt. I wished I could hold him, caress that face, kiss those lips...He looked at me for an instant and then averted his eyes.  
"Yes Highwind. Of course I am fine. What could possibly make you think that I am anything but happy?" Vincent suddenly laughed sharply, bitterly, a hint of hysteria imbrued. My desire for him was overpowering but also my sympathy.  
"Vince..." I started.  
"Vincent. My name is Vincent." My beautiful love turned his face to the night sky. He lowered his head and said nothing more.  
"Yeah Vincent. Shit. Vincent I...know how despaired you are, can I at least help you?" I rested a hand on his thin shoulder and sighed inwardly when he flinched.  
"Help me?" Vincent's eyes were like a caged animal, terrified and desolute. "How could you Highwind? And why would you? You barely know me. I am nothing to you. Why would you even want to?" I almost laughed out loud at the hideous irony at this.  
"Vincent...You know. What you just said is the complete fucking opposite to how I feel." Vincent raised an eyebrow.  
"Indeed? Whatever you feel our association is...I would prefer to be alone right now. I am a demon who deserves nothing more. And though I appreciate your sentiments. There is nothing you can do. So leave me." Probably the most I had ever heard Vincent speak.  
"A demon. Right. Of course. Yeah. That's what you are. Just looking at you that's what I think." I said sarcastically.  
"Don't mock me! I am not even human anymore, Highwind! I don't age, I transform when I loose control!" Vincent cried. "And I have sinned, so terribly I can barely speak of it! I have lied to the one I love and I have betrayed her every memory! I deserve death and worse! I am a degradation of life, I am disgusting, I am vile!" He suddenly collapsed onto his knees, holding the side of the ship for support and covering his face with one hand. His ebony hair swung like a curtain over his features. Forgetting my overpowering lust, I rushed to help him.  
"Vincent!"  
"Don't touch me. Just go. There is nothing you can say or do. Go." Vincent whispered his low voice breaking. I did the only thing I could think of. I threw my arms around him. I pulled him against my chest and cradled his slender form in my arms. I stroked his hair repeatedly, and leant my head against his. How long I had dreamt of holding Vincent in my arms, how long I had wished for it. But I had never believed to hear an such an outburst from my love, never believed I would feel such terrible vulnerability in his voice. I rubbed his back in soothing circles, not really believing this was happening.  
"Cid? What are you doing?" Vincent asked, his voice muffled against my shoulder. I noticed he hadn't tried to move away despite the reluctance in his voice.  
"Comforting you, Vince." I murmured back. Loving you. 'Comforting you."


	2. Chapter 2

Vincent was helpless in my embrace. I loved him too much at this moment, far, far too much. The sweet smell of his hair, and his body heat enraptured me completely. Despite the cold steel of his claw, which I sensed slightly against my arm, all I felt was his trembling warmth. The fact that his despairing beauty was in my grasp over ruled everything. I closed my eyes drowning in the love I felt for him, reeling in my desire. However the perfectness of the moment was brought suddenly to a holt.

"This isn't right." Vincent groaned against me. He tensed, and I felt the hidden strength the slender man was graced with.  
"I..I do not need or deserve comfort. I am past all ruination. Let go!" Vincent awkwardly tried to move away. I could not let go of Vince. I could not. Yet without warning, he threw himself backwards and staggering I lost my grip. He faced me, his countenance morose.  
"Vincent! For fuck's sake! All I wanted was to help you, god dammit!" I almost screamed the words, loosing control completely. It must be said my temper is not one of my better points. Vincent shook his head, his shining hair falling over his red headband and veiling his beautiful features. He raised an arm and suddenly gripped the side of his head. Without saying a word he ran into the Highwind, crimson cloak billowing. He cast no shadow.

Swearing profusely, I lit a cigarette with one trembling hand. I'd blown it. I shouldn't have intervened in his depression. It wasn't my place. But dammit, Vincent had leant against me! He had trembled and gripped me back for a second! I know he had appreciated my holding him! I could see how anguished he was, I couldn't have just ignored it! Even if he hadn't seen the guilty alternate motive. And had I not embraced him, I never would have felt his lovely slim body, stroked that silken hair and caressed his...'Jesus get a fucking hold on yourself,' I thought harshly. 'He loves Lucrecia not you. Nothing will ever change that!' But I couldn't stop thinking. Nothing could ever take away that feeling of Vince pressed against me. Furious, I kicked into the side of the air craft, then swore even louder at the pain this induced. Fuming, I stormed back into my cabin, filled with pent up lust and forbidden desire.

Over the next few days Vincent wouldn't even meet my eyes. From what I could guess, it seemed he was ashamed of revealing so much of his painfully repressed self. Not that comforted me at all. Jerking off didn't help, and I couldn't help gazing at him, with the added memory of our little encounter freshly imbrued in my mind. His beauty was still heartbreaking but now even more so. The rest of avalanche didn't seem to notice any change in me, aside from that brat Yuffie who commented that I was even more sour tempered than usual. The worst part was knowing Vincent was seemingly going out of his way to avoid me. That really kicked. I was smoking even more than normal and between you and me - that says something. I was so fucking tired of everything, Sephiroth, Shinra. Everything. And because Vincent wasn't talking to me, I was on the verge of breaking point. At least I could dream of him if he spoke to me, in that way of his. Eventually I decided to do something about it. It was around midnight when I banged on Vincent's door. There was no answer, but I knew he must be awake. Vincent had once mentioned that he never slept properly anymore because of the nightmares. You can imagine how I would like to have comforted him...but anyway.

"Vincent!" I yelled hammering on the door. "We have to talk!" Vince still refused to answer. Going with my brash instincts I threw it open. I stepped back a little when I realized the room was completely dark. Pitch black in fact.  
"Er...Vince?" I muttered, a little uneasily as I peered inside.  
"Highwind." A low voice sighed out of the darkness. A little worried I reached for the light switch. Vincent was sitting with his back against the wall, at the far end of the room. He had his knees curled up to his chest like a child, and seemed to be lifting his head off his arms. He nodded in acknowledgement at my presence.  
"Highwind." He said again but as if coming out of a daze.  
"Yeah it's me." I muttered, lighting a cigarette. " Look Vincent, I know your feeling fucking embarrassed or whatever for what happened out there but can't you at least face me? I can't take it if you don't speak to me! I can't! Please fucking promise me, that you..."  
"I am sorry." Vincent's voice was slow and quiet despite the interruption. "I am sorry. I will speak to you in future, Cid. I am sorry."  
"You are? Well then...er that's fucking great!" Bemused but feeling slightly happier I turned to go but a horrible moan made me pause. The moan was so horribly anguished and gasping that I couldn't stand hearing it Yet I forced myself into restraint, so I didn't rush up to him as of last time.  
"Vincent?"  
"I...can't bear ...it."  
"Vincent!"  
"I..c...c...an't bear it! God I deserve this, but I..I can't, I can't!" I was moving closer to Vincent as he spoke. It was even worse than last time. Shit, I couldn't leave him like this! I reached out for him and nothing could express my complete surprise when Vincent gripped my hand with his good right one and collapsed without any assistance into my arms.  
"Vince!"  
"Help me. Help me." Vincent whisped into my ear, his arms wrapping around my neck tightly. "You held me. Hold me again. I felt you then, I felt your .."He trailed off. Not that I really understood his words, but I immediately embraced him back. Despite the circumstances and Vincent's pain, the embrace was even better than before. Vincent was trembling against me again, but this time his thin arms were about me. I felt like I was drowning in such awful bittersweetness and I took in even more deeply the feelings which arose. I felt his heart hammering against mine and his gasping breath. As we were practically collapsed on the floor this time, I pulled him onto my lap and began caressing his back again. Methodically stroking that beautiful luxurious hair. He weighed almost nothing. His beauty was even more ethereal and perfect, because he was reciprocating. However I was concerned for Vincent so forcing back my extreme desire and lust, I spoke.  
"Is this any help Vince?" Vincent nodded, and his breath slowed somewhat. We stayed in this position for more than a few moments, and I was so intoxicated with my love for him that I managed to ignore my growing arousal. Vincent whispered to me again after a time.  
"Why do you do this Cid? Why do you hold me?" His voice, low and enigmatic was completely innocent. I felt it like a caress against me. I shook my head to silence him. My passion could not contain itself in such circumstances. I would confess without even realizing it.  
"But why Cid? Do I not repulse you, a monster who hides in human form?" I couldn't stand it. Very gently, I pulled Vincent's face to mine. I felt him inhale sharply as I leant forward and kissed his pale cheek. Vincent's lovely eyes were wide and I admired the length and blackness of his lashes. I laughed a little. I brushed back a stray tendril of his shining hair. Vincent was still looking at me startled. Tilting my head so I spoke directly to his ear,  
"Ohh Vince.' I whispered. "Isn't it obvious? I love you."


	3. Chapter 3

Vincent moved his face away from mine. He turned his head and faced the wall. I was still so close to him, that we were almost kissing. I could feel the sweetness of his breath against me. I couldn't believe that I had finally said it...the one thing I had promised myself never to utter!

"You...love me." Vincent gasped. "You love me?" His low voice quavered, and I lifted one hand to stroke his cheek. Vince didn't flinch away at this.  
"Fuck...yeah, Vince. Baby. I love you and want you more than anything. Fuck, I want you more than life!" I groaned slightly against him, holding him to me desperately. Vincent trembled as I did this, but again he didn't pull away.  
"Vincent..Vincent," I whispered, caressing his hair and back, like I had done only a few moments before. "Oh Vince, oh darling...oh...my beautiful..." My love stuttered again only as if in bewilderment. At least the despair seemed to have passed from him.  
"Highwind! You..you...love me?" I couldn't stand it. I kissed him full on the lips, tasting the tantalising softness. I attempted to press my tongue against his, but Vincent struggled and forced me to let go. He bent his head, so the black strands of his hair cascaded like a waterfall down his back.  
"I do not understand, Cid. Why would you love me? It does not make sense. I am..." I interrupted.  
"The most fucking beautiful thing I have ever seen in the whole of my fucking life!" Vincent looked at me again. I leant in and kissed him, this time on the neck. Vincent sighed bringing up his hand and claw to gently push me away. All I did was take hold of both of them, and pull them downwards. His one hand was so long and soft, the claw, ice cold to the touch. Still holding his hand, I buried my face in his long hair.  
"I love you Vin. Always have always will. You are..perfect! Shit, I can't tell you how long I've dreamt of you, longed for you. Wanted you." Vincent said nothing for a while. I was far too comfortable in this position. I could feel the growth of my arousal pulsing slightly, at such contact with my love.  
"I felt you. When you held me. You comforted me. I thought...I never realised it was this. You were the only one I have ever let into my guilt and probably ever will.' Vincent said quietly. 'I could feel you, you were alive! Alive to my shattered heart." I stroked his neck with one hand. My love gave a great shuddering moan.  
"I have never felt someone hold me like you did. My despair comes often. And I could not face you. Because all I wanted was to be in your arms. Comforting me again. And I knew this was wrong." I shook my head.  
"Shit! Never Vince. Never!"  
"I could not deal with my depression before you came to me. Because of your touch...I was unanswerable to it. I longed for your arms around me . But I deserve such pain. And you are a man. Gods another sin!" I held him close to me suddenly. Did Vincent ever stop with his self condemnation? My love leant against me weakly.  
"I am always here Vince. I will always hold you. I will help you, God damnit ! I will!" Vincent shook slightly. "And xon't start with my love for you being a sin, baby. You know better." My lust for him was overpowering. It raged inside me at such close contact. I threw all caution to the wind.

I suddenly stood up. I pulled Vincent up with me. My dark haired beauty gazed at me, with his crimson eyes blinking. Without speaking I picked him up in my arms. He was taller than me maybe, but so thin, I could easily carry his weight.

"Cid? What are you doing?" I smiled and brushed his hair back.  
"Comforting you Vince. Giving you all my love."  
"Cid..."  
"Baby, I love you. I love you so much. I can't bear it." I carried him to his bed and gently let him down. Leaning over him, I began to kiss his face, his soft skin like a caress against my cheek. Vincent sighed and turned his face away.  
"Please don't. All I wanted was for you to hold me. Not this." I realized that forcing Vincent into something that I alone desired, was nothing but pure selfishness. Though my arousal was such that it was actually painful, with great restraint I forced myself to pull away. I lay next to him, the man I loved, the man I wanted more than anything else. .  
"I am so sorry Highwind. I...just can't." Vincent's eyes burned into mine, beautiful, intense. I shook my head forced back the overpowering sexual lust. I shifted upright considering his last words. And then...I opened my arms to him.  
"In that case Vince...come here."


	4. Chapter 4

Vincent's thoughs of Cid.

Cid loves me. He loves me more than life itself. He would do anything for me, me and my shattered heart. My despicable soul. My disgusting despair. He would give everything up for me. I am sure if I asked him, he would give me the heavens. The reason I say this? Because it's true.

Yes it was a shock to first realize it. If anyone other than Cid had spoken of his great love I would have laughed in their face. This brash, loud pilot was perhaps the last person on earth I could imagine having such feelings for a member of the same sex. The fact that he has such feelings for me really is startling. And what's more, he can be so..so..gentle. I do not deserve him. I Vincent Valentine, the mortal captive of a demon soul, should never receive such love. But such as it is..I do.

It all began after I saw Lucrecia for the final time. I couldn't bear it. The adoration I had always felt for her, was mixed up in such cruel pain and sorrow. My heart as always was breaking. My sins crippled me. And the demon which lurked on the threshhold of my consciousness heightened its presence. I can always sense Chaos, always feel something alien inside me. However when my feelings are at their most extreme, the demon's blackness weighs even heavier. Like a shadow in my mind he creeps. You could say he is the most vigilant reminder of my sins. Anyhow Cid came to me on the ship, viewing my depression. He held me. I had not felt human contact for so long...it was most merciful. Yet I was disgusted with myself for reciprocating my feelings with another man. It had brought such relief, to have another hold me. But I knew it was wrong. Thus I avoided Cid. He had seen in me, the side I never allow to surface. And my avoiding him didn't work. For a few nights later he returned, when I was huddled in my room at the peak of my despair. I broke down. I pleaded with him to hold me again. He did so. And he...he told me he loved me. This was as I have mentioned, completely startling. Cid seemed desperate when he said the words, kissing me fiercely, clasping me to him. I was reminded of my feelings for Lucrecia in my better days. I couldn't believe he felt so strongly. I remember him pushing me into the mattress as he kissed me, his stubble scratching against my cheek. The overpowering scent of cigarettes. I refused him then. I knew one in the throes of desire, as I had once been there. It was obvious he wanted to be inside me. I expected him to leave or try and force himself on me anyway. But instead do you know what he did? He opened his arms to me, pulled me against his chest, and held me in an embrace. He did this all night long. And why? Because that is all I said I had ever wanted. You see? He is far too good for me.

Thus was the true start of our relationship. Without me realizing it, you see. Cid had told me to come to him immediately whenever I felt depressed. So he could at least comfort me. I knew why he did this. It was an excuse just to be with me, the one he loved so much. But his love was so consuming, I know he would want more. At first I refused to go to him because of this. But after a week of my refusing Cid came to my room anyway. I was sitting on my bed stiffly, depressed as usual and pondering my eternal existence. The door opened (without knocking I might add) and Cid entered. I said nothing. Merely looked at him. My quietness must have signaled to him in some way. For without speaking, Cid climbed under the covers next to me. He hugged me, holding me again, pushing me against his broad muscular chest, burying his face in my hair. I felt his gentle kiss against my cheek. The shaking murmur of his voice,  
"Oh Vince..."  
I lay passively at first, content to be in the warmth of another. And it did help with my depression. It could lead my mind astray for a least a few moments. Cid continued to do this uninvited, and I suppose my silence, he saw as acceptance. Not since Lucrecia had I had such physical contact. However there was a difference. Aside from the obvious fact of gender, Cid loved me so much I could feel his emotions coursing through him as he held me. With Lucrecia, it was never that way. Lying with Cid I felt so content. Night after night we did this. We kept this arrangement to ourselves of course. I for one, being the repressive person I am would not have liked the rest of avalanche knowing. Cid eventually asked me if I would like to sleep in his room with him every night. I smiled a little at him and nodded. When I did this Cid reached for my good right hand, kissed it and held it against his cheek, closing his eyes. I gazed at him. Such affection I had never witnessed any other before. Cid……never failed to surprise me.


End file.
